[Feelings] Love & Respect - Give it to Get it back...........

 

After Lot of struggle, late night studies, eventually resulting in B.Tech degree and campus placement at Infosys, seemed liked dream come true...With noble thoughts of never forgetting my parent's sacrifices and adjustments, around 10 years back , I stepped out of my cozy family environment into a professional world. Always had thought- my love for my family shall never die. I will keep on loving & caring for them; kuch bhi ho jaaye chahe !!

Things never turn out the way we decide and though intentions didn't change but somewhere down the line: Blindness of youth, Busyness of Duniyaadari , the hunger of ‘doing more well’ distanced me much from my family. My deep desires to do a million things for my family always kept me hooked on to something or other. Eventually, all intentions to be around the family and in touch, took a setback.

My dad coming out of shock losing his younger brother in teens in freak road accident, mother who brought her sons in utmost difficulties, sacrificing her happiness always on the way. I thought, am on strong path of settlement in career now, I would love my parents more now and give them everything- my love, my care and an emotionally strong life. In spite of my best intentions — I was regularly failing in that also every passing year. I kept on doing more and more well in my own life; but was just not finding the right ways and the right times to express / validate my intentions with my parents.

Today -as I live forward — I see my days converting into weeks; weeks into months & then years too are just flowing by. I take pride today in saying am a self-made man and I do every possible thing in the book to give my parents all luxuries of life, making them comfortable in every walk of life. My parents acknowledge the same and it feels great when you look upto them and twinkle in their eyes, giving silent admiration for what am doing for the family, but silence says something else too.........I helplessly see my purposefulness about a lot of beautiful things in life especially ‘relationships’ getting hampered by my busyness.

The little I understand about relationships — ‘Whenever communication diminishes between ANY relationship; everything else too diminishes’. What’s the point of LOVING anyone in heart; but never finding time to be with him / her?

In my growing up years, there were so many times, when I thought ‘what my parents are saying is not charmingly modern and helpful for me’. There were times; trust me- when I felt irritatingly annoyed too with their spiritual/religious jargon's. There definitely were times when I thought ‘they were interfering; as I have the right to live my own life- my own damn way’. Late night calls, internet, gossips, won't go well with them, when I felt after slogging for 12 hours at work, one needs to have personal space and can't just come back home and eat , talk and sleep off....We all need a life, not advices always....

During my engineering days, I was always advised to study hard, build career and then look for any dating or relationship, but hormones don't see advices :)... Ended up dating a senior, where she would call me on my home land line every evening when I was back from college. Same time, mom would put across food on table and I would be hooked talking on phone, with food lying getting cold and there came a tussle between mom-son duo. Never realized when I wanted her to understand my excitement to speak, there was a genuine concern from her end to feed her starving son after whole day of hard course studies....Few things do haunt you and you try to make amends , But..............

A few lessons in retrospect; I learnt from all such times:-

1)  We all feel that we know it all, we don't need any advice from parents-do whatever (of your own mind); but at least LISTEN to your parents COMPLETELY. They NEED to be HEARD. Trust me- they might surprise you with better logic (if you listen patiently). Listening / Hearing them is important; as most Indian parents complain of ‘Ye Sunta taq nahin hai’.  This will satisfy their ego to some extent at least. I could have made many better decisions in the last decade had I genuinely heard the logic of my parents.

2) Irritated at how sensitive your parents are that they end up crying at ever small thing you say? I did shout at my parents many a time. I feel like jumping from the roof top with the regret of those times. Given a re-take; I will just smile and hug them even if they are shouting at me. This will change everything. This is the magic code. "Jadoo ki jhappi works always guys"

3) Bogged down by questions your parents ask about the technology advances they hear from around in neighborhood, give them a doze how they can't cope up with modern day world. Satisfied your ego? But do you realize how much you make them feel insecure and inferior by such attitude, where they step back assuming they can't keep you happy with their old generation fundas and ways. Upgrade them. Make them feel a part of your world. Gift them the brands. Take them out for dinners. Shop with them. The walls will crumble. The distances will shorten. The cold ice shall melt. All they need is your TIME and RESPECT. Your doing well in your own life will increase more when your parents are with you; when you route your success through them. You will never feel alone then. Carry your parents in your heart.

4) How many times were you made to feel insecure in life by your parents, let alone when you needed them the most? Never ever make your parents insecure in their old age. It is your job / duty / responsibility to be their security. You are their pillar of strength in all situations, Realize it , before it's too late !!

5) So how does the poker face feel in the mirror when your demands were not met by parents? Aww, not good nah, right? So stop demanding things from parents always. Stop comparing and hurting them by citing example of other families. They gave you birth without any obligation to fulfill all your demands. What happened to your ‘Cool Dude image’ which you present to the world; but become a cribbing beggar when in front of your parents for your demands? Do it yourself naa?   Ask not what your parents can do for you. Ask — ‘what you can do for them?’ They will themselves keep care of ‘your more than basic needs’; as they are your parents. Ever seen them demanding any materialistic pleasure from you, but your smile and politeness. They deserve it for god sake, no second thoughts about it !!

6)  Do we have any doubts about how much loving our moms are but at same time no less than melodramatic too, even over the top at times. They all live in assumptions e.g. ‘My son / daughter is sweet / sober / seedha but he has a tedha and kameena friend who wastes his time and gives him wrong advice’. Most of them endorse views of the movie ‘Baghban’. Your parents have done so much for you. They need your gratitude and not your stupid attitude !!

Feeling ashamed of not been able to do things to show gratitude towards parents over these years? Koi na...Welcome to the league. I am guilty myself. All of us are WIPs (Work in Progress). Decide today that ‘You will be the best that you can be to your parents. Surprise yourself and more importantly surprise them with your decision to be genuinely good a child’.

Children can never love their parents as much as parents love them … But maybe children could put an effort to reduce the margin. Ok you have career goals, honeymoon goals, money goals etc.  But -‘being the most loving son / daughter; that the world has known will not be a bad goal at all…I have decided to make up for all those years ; when I wasn’t … How about you ?

You may be fighting with the world to become the best in it. Trust me — if there is one battle worth winning — it will be to defeat the duniyaadari to create time for your old parents. The best gift you can giv e to your parents all year round is a feeling of YOUR RESPONSIBLE presence in their lives.

"My parents just expect me to have atleast 1 meal of the day with them, keeping the phone aside when am home and sit by their side for some while before they retire to their bedroom....Are they asking for too much??? "

"If I had talked to my parents like some of the kids do now, I would not be here to post this "