Modern Day Trend: Does Long Distance relationship REALLY work? [Part-1]

 

 

“This Long distance relationship doesn’t work sweetheart”

---Love Aajkal, Bollywood movie quote

“Yeah, I told you na Shreya, I did the right thing of dumping off Anuj, as he was going off to US. I told you na, this long distance stuff doesn’t work, who has so much patience baby, and you didn’t agree with me” yelled out a gal sitting besides me in the movie theatre while watching the above movie to her friend. The movie was over, but still those wordings of the gal were in the back of my mind after coming back at home. I had heard about people not getting into relationship because of incompatible views, higher ego/attitude, dull personality, intercaste, conservative, but when has the “distance” been a barrier in ignoring a relationship? Does really “distance” or in simpler terms, non-existence of your loved one besides you, plays a spoilsport in a relationship?

What better way to check it out , then to getting into a real life example…………………………

This is the story of Arpan and Rati, dated back to year 2003, where the social networking sites were non-existent or less known and the monopoly was of Yahoo! chat rooms, a perfect dating spot, time pass and chit chatting medium for all ages. This is where Arpan, a delhite, found a sweet looking gal from Chandigarh, Rati, while doing his summer training for a project amidst the engineering course. After initial rounds of ASL stuff, both hooked on to interacting with each other and instant connection was formed. So it became a daily routine, for both to chat for 1 long hour at the same time. With time progressed, their interactions started revealing that both craved to talk each other and wait for the decided time to interact with their new found friend cum stranger. Mails started flowing and the primary word to be noticed was “MISSING YOU” from both ends. Both lacked having cell phones, so had to restrict their talks only on chats, even though there was strong desire to at least once hear the voices of each other, but couldn’t. Time went on and both got the fair bit of idea about each other’s lives and family background. Finally after 8 months of time, Arpan proposed Rati and expressed desire to make her , his gf. Rati, didn’t want to rush things up, so asked for some time. Finally after 4 months, she agreed and the relationship started…………………………

Now, with passage of time, they managed to hear each other voice also once in a day, by calling on each other’s landlines from PCO, at the time already conveyed through mails. Arpan in the mean time , done with his engineering got a job in IBM and with that his own cell phone and also gifted one to Rati, thanks to Reliance !!! Now it was a serious love relationship, where both lovers talked the whole day, chatted, mailed, webcam etc, overall in touch with each other 24 hrs and knew each second what their lover was doing back at their place. Fighting, arguments, love, close talks, crying, emotions everything what a person can think in a strongly bonded love relationship, happened between their relationship but only on phone or online. They craved, desperate to meet each other, but lacked guts to travel to each other’s cities all alone to meet their lover. They calmed themselves down thinking for better things in future. In the mean time, Arpan joined Infosys in Bangalore and distance increased, but their relationship was unaffected. This went on for about 2.5 years and they never met. …………….

Finally, Rati landed in Delhi, for her US visa application and stayed over with her old friend. Arpan landed in Delhi at same time and stayed with his friends, making sure his parents didn’t even have an idea. He just wanted to spend those days with his lover, whom he would be finally meeting after long 2.5 years. Finally they met, emotions, love, feelings , joy all could be seen merging in two souls, when they met. They had 1 week of time to spend with each other and strangely, they spent that time indirectly trying to judge whatever their partner has shown over the years on phone, chats, was it really genuine? Was it just over the phone, or he/she had emotions/love for each other in real life too? They were extremely contended, satisfied to know every single second of emotions shown was pure. Their happiness knew no limits and they felt meeting each other has added another dimension to their relationship. Finally, good things have to come to an end and they both went back to their respective cities.

After 1 month, both finally broke the ice and told their parents about each other. Rati, a Sikh and Arpan, mangalik, both families objected citing different reasons, but had to give into the pressure of the children and mutually talked with each other and set a date for engagement. But in the mean while, Rati got her US visa for higher studies and wanted to leave at the earliest, as it was her dream to enjoy the life of abroad. Everyone asked her to get engaged and then leave, but she refused citing that if she gets engaged, Arpan, being a possessive guy, would put restrictions on her and won’t let her have her personal space in US. She felt that she want to go with free mind and enjoy life and its just 1 year time, then when she comes back, they would get married directly. Arpan, wanted to explain her that he just wanted her happiness and would have never done , what she thought of him, but silently , let her go and live her dream………………

“Wow, this is my dreams, I am able to live it now” exclaimed Rati from US, over the phone, when Arpan called her from VOIP( Thanks to Infy )!! Distance again was no barrier, as they kept in continuous touch over the phone, chats and mails throughout. Things went smooth for 6 months, till Arpan noticed some change in Rat’s behavior and attitude towards him. She showed displeasure in Arpan calling her every hour, asking her things. She indirectly started conveying that it’s not mandatory to talk every hour or every day. This sounded really weird and Arpan tried to talk about it, but was always ignored by Rati. Discomfort could be seen, but not a word was discussed about it. Finally, Rati on her birthday had enough drinks to be in a state to speak out things. She broke the ice and said she was in Live –In relationship with an NRI for past 6 months. When she landed there, everything seemed great, but with time she felt very lonely, depressed, sad , missed everyone back home, cried alone in room, but couldn’t utter or let it show to people back home, because they would be then worried. She couldn’t even tell him, because she knew he was already away from home, had so many responsibilities and her state, would have made him more low. At this time, she got the comfort zone and shoulder to lean upon in the form of an NRI and she got carried away and is now in strong Love for that guy, whom she can’t leave at any cost. She kept on saying, Arpan, don’t know but our relationship lacked presence of each other and we both were not there for each other, when we really needed each other. I don’t know, but our relationship, was bound by feelings for each other, but she always felt a distance. …………and the call dropped, with that relationship over !!!

Was Rati right in saying that distance played a major part in she getting carried away? Can love feelings, emotions, desire of heart not compensate for absence of partner around? Does relationship gets more secure in the presence of partner around always? Is distance the only aspect, where one shouldn’t compromise in a relationship? Can loneliness and missing your partner, make you swing your priorities at times?

P.S.—The story is a work of fiction and all names used are purely imaginary, not related to anyone’s lives at all.