The silent love.....Everything happens for a reason

Everything happens for a reason. I staunchly believed in this part until …

I looked at the digits blinking in the clock mounted on the dash. A heavy downpour had inundated the roads and the streets were choked with traffic. The drizzle slowly started to abate but the cars and the buses were still moving at snail’s pace.

I lowered the window and was looking around, listening to music and tapping my fingers on the steering wheel.

“How much more time will it take for the traffic to clear,” I heard a fruity voice. There was an auto-rickshaw on my left with a girl seated at the rear. “I don’t know, madam,” was the auto driver’s prompt answer. She kept looking at the wrist watch and was getting twitchy. “Please take this,” she paid him and alighted from the auto.

She was dressed in a triple layered skirt and a full sleeved white t-shirt. Her hair fell in curls over her shoulder. What a girl, I thought...

...

She slowly started to walk, negotiating the puddles and the almost stationary cars as I looked at her through the bespattered windshield before she finally disappeared. The traffic too cleared in a while and I reached home two hours later.

I don’t know why I wasn’t able to clear her image off my mind. I fell into a deep sleep with her thoughts still lingering in my mind.

In the following days, I almost forgot her. Excel sheets and Word documents, client-calls, pizza lunches, coffee-breaks and an occasional fag with friends ensued that rainy day memories didn’t retrace in my mind.

A few days later, I saw her again at the same location. She was dressed in a body hugging greenish-yellow chudidar.

She could sweep me off my feet with her attire alone, I thought...

I was already cruising at 60KMPH, and even before I could make a choice, whether I should stop and offer her ride or not, I was a hundred odd metres away. I couldn’t do anything but to helplessly look at her evanescence in the rear view mirror.

But I’d resolved to hitch a lift, the next time I see her. I still looked at the mirror and blushed.

‘Can I hitch you a ride lady?’ or ‘Would you like to join me for a ride?’ or the simple ‘need a lift, ma’am?’ I kept rehearsing. I longed to see her again. No mistakes this time, I assure myself.

Two days later I saw her, at the same place, again. This time, she was wearing a black t-shirt and a blue denim pant. And I dint repeat the old mistake of zipping along. I slowed down my car as I approached her.

She stepped a lil’ back on seeing my car approaching and I was taken aback by her action. I stepped up the gas and started to accelerate, but keeping an eye on her in the side view mirror. She pushed aside the forelocks that almost covered her eyes and looked at my car. It certainly was an indication. Or perhaps, I thought so.

“If she really were to come into my life, she’d still be there waiting for me,” I told my friends the next day as I tore one petal after another. The Gerbera petals wafted down the quiescent air as I kept reciting “she loves, she loves me not…”

“Even if she doesn’t love me, it’s fun to see her daily, and tease her,” I purported, for I dint want to make a fool of myself before them.

Every evening I would leave the office early and wait for her. I tried to muster all my courage to speak out to her. But I was never successful. The only solace I‘d was the beaming smile I would get in return; of course she’s recognizing me now-a-days.

I remember that evening very well. I was as usual waiting for her in my car but not at my regular place. I wanted to see if she really looked out for me. What if she doesn’t, I was tensed.

She slowly walked out of nowhere and reached her normal waiting place. Many autos went past, but she dint board any. I could see her eyes trawl the crowd and the cars. For me perhaps, and my happiness knew no bounds. Somebody searching or waiting for you is indeed a great feeling.

But my happiness vaporized in a few minutes when another car zoomed past me and the guy in the car maneuvered his car close to her. My heart sank even as I looked helplessly. The guy spoke for a while, may be a few seconds, perhaps he was offering her a lift. The girl must have refused as he drove away, disappointed.

She still searched for me....

Now I was sure. Yes, I think she loves me. Or should I wait for some more time? I haven’t come to a conclusive decision. I just sat there calculating and guessing, watched her wait and wait for some time before she took an auto and left the place.

That was perhaps the lone night I couldn’t sleep, for I was excited. I am gonna propose her tomorrow, I decided. As with most pleasures, love’s not so much the experience itself as the anticipation that is enjoyable. I eagerly waited for the next day, in fact the next evening.

On the much eagerly awaited morning, I cleansed my face with a mild exfoliating cream, trimmed the stubble, and dressed in a cream trouser and a small red and black striped shirt, the best of my wardrobe. The excitement kept me off my work. All I did was just look at the clock and watch the minute’s and hour’s hands tick to the eve. I reached the place and waited for her. On the dashboard lay a bunch of roses.

How shall I do it? I will just say, ‘I love you’ and give her the roses. Simple but it will have its effect.

I looked at my wrist watch, time kept ticking but she dint come. I stood there watching the cars and bikes go past me. Occasionally a guy and a girl would walk hand in hand, smiling. I impatiently walked around my car, sat for some time, but she dint, in fact never turned up.

My heart was so heavy. I couldn’t bear it. The pain was excruciating. One day please, one final day, I prayed in my mind. I called up my friend and he tried to console me. But I was hurt…

I waited for her in the days that followed. But she was never seen. I just wanted this pain to recede away; I knew it would take some time.

Two years later I married another girl. Two years is a long time, I recuperated but I just couldn’t erase her completely off my mind. I never understood one thing, why did this happen to me? If everything happens for a reason, what’s the reason behind this incident? I lost my faith and stopped praying.

Whenever I took the same road, I was reminded of the past. Life again was back to normal until this day.

There was a slight drizzle, I was driving down the same location, and the traffic’s all tangled up. And then I saw her, saw her for the first time in two years.

She was holding a kid in her hand, perhaps hers and she was trying to cross the road when I saw her. She looked back at me deep in the eyes. There was a penitent smile across my lips. She dint smile. She just stared at me for a while. There was a question, why haven’t you reached out to me, wasn’t it your mistake!

And she turned her face as if she hated me and walked away.

Silence speaks volumes. We never spoke to each other. We never knew each other. But feelings ferried. I haven’t trusted my heart as much as I trusted my mind. Life would have certainly been different if I’d approached her. Perhaps we were not destined to be together. Perhaps we are better off this way. I can never forget her face and her looks.

Now-a-days, I’ve started to pray, pray that I should never see her in my life again, for I don’t have the answers to her silent love….

P.S--Inspired by real life incidents around and no offence meant to anyone by any means.