Modern day Query : Should a women keep giving her best in marriage even after neglect?
An excerpt from the query I received in the past:
“ Its been 5 years am married, my hubby is very nice. caring taking care of me and has provided me all luxuries of life. Living away from in laws as my hubby wanted that way. In starting it was like a dream come true for me as mine was arranged marriage and I was susceptible about it. But as the time flew, my hubby made me so comfortable, all emotions, love care seemed to flow in abundance and I realized love can happen with a stranger also and marriage is the best relationship to be in.
But with time, my hubby got more busy in his business work and kept travelling for longer duration and I was left to enujy luxuries given by him as time pass and had nothing else to do. I talked about this with him and made him aware am dying for ur time and love, asked him to adjust his work routine with family life. But he wud heed for few days and then back to the same.
Heard rumours from sumwhere he is having an affair with his secretary while on trips, never believed and started giving him more love, care so that he doesn’t get diverted away and never grudged about anything. But nothing seemed to change. Still not sure if he was seeing sumone or not……I compromised and adjusted with my life………..
Finally, I came on Orkut to do time pass and get in touch with old friends. Came across a guy who made me very comfortable with his views towards life and I started interacting with him, In due course of time , I realized that this guy has the same feelings, views , desires as I had desired in past I cud relate my past with his life and started interacting with him more than ususal. I would take care of my hubby, do all house hold chores, all duties as a married woman and tyhen in whole day wud take out 1 hr to talk with that guy and share all my pains, feelings and everything, Felt relaxed there was sumone to understand me and share my hidden desires, emotions. Life went on fine…………….
We interacted for about 1 year on chat and phone, but never met as he was in other city and we had a pact that we wud never meet………But things started changing and he showed desire to meet me…I also craved to meet him, but I Had a fear that wht after meeting him I get carried away? Wht if I am not able to control my emotions and get physically carried away as the emotions wud be on a rise? As a married woman can I do ?? Advice please..............."
Her fear:
She is scared of the society and her fears that she cant get into any extra marital affair. She is scared that she cant cheat her hubby and she is married and Indian tradition doesn’t allow her. She is happy to be neglected throughout her life and wud be always devoted to her hubby……………
Advice :
Every human being has the rite to seek their happiness and work towards it. If she is a married lady , she has her own life and she has the rite to seek her happiness from her partner. But even after convincing, talking, adjusting, her hubby can't realise the value of his wife, she has the rite to seek her own happiness. Today's modern day women are still not that strong to go ahead with divorce, coz that can make them shiver to the core...But , she need sto remember that after all she is human and has her own self respect too. She has the rite to move on and seek her happiness in mediums suitable or she is comfortable in.
Any views on the same?
“ Its been 5 years am married, my hubby is very nice. caring taking care of me and has provided me all luxuries of life. Living away from in laws as my hubby wanted that way. In starting it was like a dream come true for me as mine was arranged marriage and I was susceptible about it. But as the time flew, my hubby made me so comfortable, all emotions, love care seemed to flow in abundance and I realized love can happen with a stranger also and marriage is the best relationship to be in.
But with time, my hubby got more busy in his business work and kept travelling for longer duration and I was left to enujy luxuries given by him as time pass and had nothing else to do. I talked about this with him and made him aware am dying for ur time and love, asked him to adjust his work routine with family life. But he wud heed for few days and then back to the same.
Heard rumours from sumwhere he is having an affair with his secretary while on trips, never believed and started giving him more love, care so that he doesn’t get diverted away and never grudged about anything. But nothing seemed to change. Still not sure if he was seeing sumone or not……I compromised and adjusted with my life………..
Finally, I came on Orkut to do time pass and get in touch with old friends. Came across a guy who made me very comfortable with his views towards life and I started interacting with him, In due course of time , I realized that this guy has the same feelings, views , desires as I had desired in past I cud relate my past with his life and started interacting with him more than ususal. I would take care of my hubby, do all house hold chores, all duties as a married woman and tyhen in whole day wud take out 1 hr to talk with that guy and share all my pains, feelings and everything, Felt relaxed there was sumone to understand me and share my hidden desires, emotions. Life went on fine…………….
We interacted for about 1 year on chat and phone, but never met as he was in other city and we had a pact that we wud never meet………But things started changing and he showed desire to meet me…I also craved to meet him, but I Had a fear that wht after meeting him I get carried away? Wht if I am not able to control my emotions and get physically carried away as the emotions wud be on a rise? As a married woman can I do ?? Advice please..............."
Her fear:
She is scared of the society and her fears that she cant get into any extra marital affair. She is scared that she cant cheat her hubby and she is married and Indian tradition doesn’t allow her. She is happy to be neglected throughout her life and wud be always devoted to her hubby……………
Advice :
Every human being has the rite to seek their happiness and work towards it. If she is a married lady , she has her own life and she has the rite to seek her happiness from her partner. But even after convincing, talking, adjusting, her hubby can't realise the value of his wife, she has the rite to seek her own happiness. Today's modern day women are still not that strong to go ahead with divorce, coz that can make them shiver to the core...But , she need sto remember that after all she is human and has her own self respect too. She has the rite to move on and seek her happiness in mediums suitable or she is comfortable in.
Any views on the same?
Happiness lies inside us..The guy with whom she is talking for the past one year is just a medium through which she is sharing all her emotions..If the guy is genuine then he should not meet her, instead advice her that she should start working on her relationship with her Husband again. This is not something which is impossible to do...But going out and meeting that guy will only call for further problems because instead of solving her problems whe is running away from them. This is going to take her, nowhere .
ReplyDeleteI guess neha u didnt read the excerpt I wrote properly. The lady waited fr 5 years and gave her best to marriage and then she took a step to have sum medium where she could share her emotions, feelings,desires with sumone and at same time giving her best to marriage and hubby. She never neglected her hubby fr sum othe rguy, but took out time to share things with him in her daily routine....Emotions flow and feelinsg are ona rise when sumone touches ur heart and u find the same desires of urs in sumone...Its a natural feeling....
ReplyDeleteIts not abt the guy is genuine or hw much he advices her....She already knws wht it takes to maintain and sustain marriage, but the main question at the end of the day was : Isn't she human? Hw long can she keep giving her best and hoping for miracle to happen? Is she destined to do all this? As I highlighted today's women still is not strong enuf to take a hardest route of divorce and all, she cant let her marriage go off..but at same time does desire sumone who can pamper her and give her love and comfort zone...what wrong if she gets in other medium? This is by no means extra marital affair, which people get into coz of attraction towards sumone and end up making love.......See the difference...
But everything should be systematic. We can't have open ended relationships. If she feels she has given enough time to her marriage (5 Yrs) and there are no results and there is nothing left in her marriage, then she should give a divorce to her husband and after that proceed with her new life..If u really mean that women should be bold, then this is the most bold and the strongest way to handle a thing..
ReplyDeleteSystematic? wht do u mean systematic.....Is it like sum nonemclature that u need to follow a process to escalate an issue in organization? Come out of that corporate envionment and think like a woman and keep urself in shoes and then reflect....U mite end up saying u wud never let that happen, but evaluate all possibilities and time frame and then see whts best....
ReplyDeleteDo u think its easy fr a woman to give divorce and move on? Only 10% women are bold enuf to do that and rest are so scared of society and fear of losing credibility, that they wud love tobe grilled years in cage, rather tahn even thinking of divorce...suicides are a result of this and rest wud confine themselves at home taking care of babies and dropping silent tears.....
Let it be..When a person is not ready to listen to someone's opinion, then there is no use of arguments...
ReplyDeleteBut somehow this is not relationship making but breaking...
Talking..interacting..sharing thoughts feeling and emotions is not even close to the reality of sharing life together.
ReplyDeleteJust because some one gives you a comfort zone, when your own is not able to..does not mean you move on into an extra marital. If tomorrow that other guy also gets busy in his career and is not able to spend too much time, when then? I do agree that the woman is suffering coz of getting neglected by her husband. But m also sure there are ways.. her belief in her marriage, her trust on her husband and a desire to keep her marriage strong, can take her to places.
She might have to handle things smartly and might have to be diplomatic and shrewd. She might have to come out of her 'ideal Biwi' skin. She can try talking to his parents, and get them stay with them. Help him out in his business, talk to him about his aspirations and desires in life..about his business and show desire to travel with him so that she can spend time with him on the move.