Modern Day Relationship : How it starts and How should it ACTUALLY start [Final Part]
GOLDEN RULE OF LOVE OR ANY RELATIONSHIP
“All relationships should start on mutual basis. If any of the person involved in the relationship is convinced, made to fall for, made to realize, made to think in someone’s direction, then that relationship will last till the time, the selfish interest of one person is over or attraction lasts”
People often confuse the word “mutual” with “liking” in a relationship. The common perception is if we like each other, that means we are mutually agreeing to be in a relationship or if we mutually agree to each other’s views, we like each other and hence getting into a relationship. “Mutually agreeing” basically refers to the point where both partners involved in the relationship, think alike in aspects like viewpoints, compatibility, respect for each other and somewhat future plans. There comes a theory where we soothe our hearts by saying that “ Opposite poles attract each other” . True, but till the time, desire is there to be with each other or one person tries to sustain the relationship. Mostly the relationships which start on the basis of liking, are cases where one person gets attracted towards the other person , may be for his/her appearance, personality traits, intelligence etc and then they feel he/she is the ideal partner for them and then in 2-3 days they feel they love that person, which propels them to talk to that person and convey their feelings. Are these feelings/liking for each other genuine or heartfelt?????
I was criticized and suggested by many that I should directly come to the point in my last post and not illustrate the basic fact with the example of the story. But, I have no choice to mention, how exactly in my view, a relationship should ACTUALLY start, in the form of the story. But for reading purpose, my modified version of the 1st story, would be straight to the point and I won’t get too much into emotions part this time.
Noshi and Raj, come across each other on a social networking site. After initial rounds of interactions, shyness, fear of talking to a stranger, they open up with each other. Now they both interact with each other with proper comfort zone, sharing basic details, talking about lifestyle, what interests them the most, personality traits and things start flowing. After about I month of knowing and interacting with each other, Raj proposes Noshi for being his gf citing reasons of compatibility, common viewpoints, comfort zone in talking to name few. Noshi appreciates his st fwdness and replies in apt way that she agrees in unison with all his thoughts and reasons. She accepts that she won’t deny that she also felt the same for Raj, but needs little more time to think over and then see how things go about. Noshi conveyed to Raj, that she agrees that she also has some sort of attraction towards him , but she can’t commit at this stage, but infact can say that she would look forward in Abhi’s direction for the same in the upcoming days. Raj is impressed with the fact that, Noshi has her priorities/viewpoints fixed in life and moreover, has full control over her emotions.
Guys are always impressed with the gals who show maturity and sense of feeling that they are not emotional fools to get carried away with anything. Coz if they show, even if the guy is decent, it might provoke him for a second to take the gal for a ride as she is dumbo kinds. Beware gals!!! Gals might say they have sixth sense to know about the intentions of any guy, but they don’t know, guys can quickly judge a gal faster than they do the same about guys.
So , now for the next 2-3 weeks, both of them thought in each other’s direction as their potential partner in future. Noshi would be more proactive in asking Raj indirect questions about his viewpoints in life, on topics ranging from future, career, marriage to physical relationship. This was indirect attempt by Noshi, to make out if her viewpoints/wavelength in life, matched to that of Raj’s frequency. Having comfort zone in each other’s presence is one thing, having compatibility in viewpoints is another case. They spend more valuable time, get to know each other more and finally after being convinced and Raj appealing to his heart, Noshi agrees to be his gf, but with an important condition. She conveyed to Raj that she is from a conservative family, and she strictly follows the principles set by her family. Even though she has a modern outlook towards life, she still believes in the traditional way of going about a love relationship. So she would prefer, Raj doing away with any casual hugs/kisses/holding hands at all with her, in nutshell, she would like no physical touch should be there, not even mention of it, till she gets comfortable with it. Raj readily agreed to it, because he conveys that I am here to make things work out between us and see you as long term partner, not just for mere physical interests. Moreover, my virg**** would be my wife’s 1st night gift and I don’t believe in any premarital physical relationship. Noshi, even though she felt overjoyed hearing Raj’s wordings, but suppressed her emotions and just nodded her head in appreciation. She didn’t want to rush into making an image of him, unless he means and proves his strong wordings, which he has mentioned till date.
Today’s viewpoint is that physical touches are part of a relationship and hug/kisses, even casual friends do, then why not a gf-bf, what harm in that? The very essence of Noshi, denying Raj not even a hug, was she wanted to check in actual if Raj truly has feelings for her or he is just there to use and throw her. By denying him physical contact , she wanted to check how long can he stay without even mentioning or holding his hand, because a person whose primary interest is physical relationship, wont control for long or be in a relationship for long, where he is denied his actual interest. Obviously he would feel why to waste time with such a gal, better spend that time on another gal, who might agree.
Sometimes, even gals need to hold their desire back to cuddle their bf, for the reason mentioned above.!!!
Everything goes fine and they start cherishing their relationship. Still, Noshi was careful in her actions and expression of feelings, love towards Raj, in the fear he might take her for granted. So she doesn’t go overboard with expression of feelings, emotions or possessiveness. She keeps it pretty normal, one level above casual friendship and there is always a feeling of belonginess and love, if not by wordings, but by silence. Raj acknowledges every action of Noshi and pays back in her same vein. Goody, goody stuff carries on, a fairy tale was being written…………..
Raj lives upto his word and everything goes fine in Noshi’s book as per her expectations and their relationship become more strong and bonded. Finally after 2 months, Noshi gives Raj what he deserves the best. A best romantic evening and time in her arms on the beach. After all, Raj has lived up to his wordings and proved Noshi that yes he is worth getting close to her heart and holding her in his arms!!!
Noshi nowhere lets Raj take her for granted and always made sure that Raj is aware of her priorities and he respects them. Before expecting Raj to value her views and abide by them, she made sure she gave the same thing to Raj, and always gave him the personal space he required and respected his views. She always made sure there was some spice going on in the relationship and Raj would sense that, he is not into any monotonous relationship, even though Raj never asked for it. But she was aware a newness is something which makes every guy cheer up and be more close to his partner. Also, one thing she made sure that Raj didn’t get anything easy from her, example Raj asking for a romantic evening. Noshi says why not , but before that you need to fulfill my wish also, to go on a shopping spree with me, which he readily agreed. It’s not that Noshi was selfish in making him fulfill her wish and then she would fulfill his wish, it was like she made sure Raj dint take her light and knew he is handling a tough gal. Mutual agreement on everything was the priority and the golden days passed on…..and finally resulted in the best relationship of all “ Marriage”
Well, the above is the ACTUAL way to start and go about a relationship in my perspective. It’s not a guideline or hard and fast rule to go about the relationship in the same way. The major points to be highlighted were :
1) Always try to start a relationship, to great extent, with mutual agreement and mutual appealing of hearts. There does come across situations where things start on one sided note and then later on become mutual. Always remember that in such cases, even though things happen in nick of time, but somewhere down the line lack of mutuality would come into play in future and which can worsen things, unless you ready to sustain the relationship.
2) Gals should try to make sure that they are not taken for ride or granted by the guys, because of their going beyond the limits of expressing love. There is no harm in expressing endless love to your partner, but a slightest hint of you being taken for easy or granted by your guy, try to restrict things, before he realizes his mistake.
3) Guys one point to be mentioned here is that, gals as compared to guys , are most sensitive, emotional and moreover, believe more in traditional way of expressing love or going about a relationship. So don’t let their easy going nature or showing extra love, make you take them casually and then you look for other gals, keeping her as option.
4) Study today shows that 60% of the relationships today make or break owing to the physical aspect of the relationship. Even though modern generation takes it by default that getting close in a relationship is mere expressing love, but many people take it otherwise, which need to be sensed and discussed at that moment, to prevent making a good relationship turning into more of physical one.
5) Partners should try to minimize others advice, how to bring newness in a relationship or how to make it spicy. Many a times, people get influenced by others ideas and views and try to implement that in their relationship, even against the wishes of their partner, which is highly unacceptable, coz always there should be consent of the other partner too.
Feedback on People’s comments :
Well, I would like to finally mention that, by no means I have tried to degrade gals or guys, in my posts. I would reiterate that I just wanted to bring out how most of the relationships go about today. My two stories were just examples of typical scenarios happening today and there are plenty which happen every day in and out. I never mentioned that every situation would applicable to all type of people, but yes this is how most of the relationships go on, between mostly teenagers, strangers met online, may be in office colleagues/team mates too. Many have complained that , I have stressed on the lust part of the guys, which was required because , that’s what is the end result and desire of many , to great extent. I got the feedback that, my posts would have negative impact on people about relationships, if that’s the case, then I would like to apologize to those who feel the same. I have just tried to bring out typical situations from my experiences in the past, not to curse anyone or degrade the value of relationships.
The most interesting thing highlighted by someone was that in today’s world it’s not only guys who cheat upon gals or use them, even gals are using the guys and they are more than responsible for relationship turning ugly. I readily accept that fact and would like to highlight the same , what prompts gals to go about doing that, but may be some other time.
"BYE" is a little word that causes so much PAIN. The person u hold now, might never meet you again, so never say "BYE", Always say " Meet U Again --Sayonara"
“All relationships should start on mutual basis. If any of the person involved in the relationship is convinced, made to fall for, made to realize, made to think in someone’s direction, then that relationship will last till the time, the selfish interest of one person is over or attraction lasts”
People often confuse the word “mutual” with “liking” in a relationship. The common perception is if we like each other, that means we are mutually agreeing to be in a relationship or if we mutually agree to each other’s views, we like each other and hence getting into a relationship. “Mutually agreeing” basically refers to the point where both partners involved in the relationship, think alike in aspects like viewpoints, compatibility, respect for each other and somewhat future plans. There comes a theory where we soothe our hearts by saying that “ Opposite poles attract each other” . True, but till the time, desire is there to be with each other or one person tries to sustain the relationship. Mostly the relationships which start on the basis of liking, are cases where one person gets attracted towards the other person , may be for his/her appearance, personality traits, intelligence etc and then they feel he/she is the ideal partner for them and then in 2-3 days they feel they love that person, which propels them to talk to that person and convey their feelings. Are these feelings/liking for each other genuine or heartfelt?????
I was criticized and suggested by many that I should directly come to the point in my last post and not illustrate the basic fact with the example of the story. But, I have no choice to mention, how exactly in my view, a relationship should ACTUALLY start, in the form of the story. But for reading purpose, my modified version of the 1st story, would be straight to the point and I won’t get too much into emotions part this time.
Noshi and Raj, come across each other on a social networking site. After initial rounds of interactions, shyness, fear of talking to a stranger, they open up with each other. Now they both interact with each other with proper comfort zone, sharing basic details, talking about lifestyle, what interests them the most, personality traits and things start flowing. After about I month of knowing and interacting with each other, Raj proposes Noshi for being his gf citing reasons of compatibility, common viewpoints, comfort zone in talking to name few. Noshi appreciates his st fwdness and replies in apt way that she agrees in unison with all his thoughts and reasons. She accepts that she won’t deny that she also felt the same for Raj, but needs little more time to think over and then see how things go about. Noshi conveyed to Raj, that she agrees that she also has some sort of attraction towards him , but she can’t commit at this stage, but infact can say that she would look forward in Abhi’s direction for the same in the upcoming days. Raj is impressed with the fact that, Noshi has her priorities/viewpoints fixed in life and moreover, has full control over her emotions.
Guys are always impressed with the gals who show maturity and sense of feeling that they are not emotional fools to get carried away with anything. Coz if they show, even if the guy is decent, it might provoke him for a second to take the gal for a ride as she is dumbo kinds. Beware gals!!! Gals might say they have sixth sense to know about the intentions of any guy, but they don’t know, guys can quickly judge a gal faster than they do the same about guys.
So , now for the next 2-3 weeks, both of them thought in each other’s direction as their potential partner in future. Noshi would be more proactive in asking Raj indirect questions about his viewpoints in life, on topics ranging from future, career, marriage to physical relationship. This was indirect attempt by Noshi, to make out if her viewpoints/wavelength in life, matched to that of Raj’s frequency. Having comfort zone in each other’s presence is one thing, having compatibility in viewpoints is another case. They spend more valuable time, get to know each other more and finally after being convinced and Raj appealing to his heart, Noshi agrees to be his gf, but with an important condition. She conveyed to Raj that she is from a conservative family, and she strictly follows the principles set by her family. Even though she has a modern outlook towards life, she still believes in the traditional way of going about a love relationship. So she would prefer, Raj doing away with any casual hugs/kisses/holding hands at all with her, in nutshell, she would like no physical touch should be there, not even mention of it, till she gets comfortable with it. Raj readily agreed to it, because he conveys that I am here to make things work out between us and see you as long term partner, not just for mere physical interests. Moreover, my virg**** would be my wife’s 1st night gift and I don’t believe in any premarital physical relationship. Noshi, even though she felt overjoyed hearing Raj’s wordings, but suppressed her emotions and just nodded her head in appreciation. She didn’t want to rush into making an image of him, unless he means and proves his strong wordings, which he has mentioned till date.
Today’s viewpoint is that physical touches are part of a relationship and hug/kisses, even casual friends do, then why not a gf-bf, what harm in that? The very essence of Noshi, denying Raj not even a hug, was she wanted to check in actual if Raj truly has feelings for her or he is just there to use and throw her. By denying him physical contact , she wanted to check how long can he stay without even mentioning or holding his hand, because a person whose primary interest is physical relationship, wont control for long or be in a relationship for long, where he is denied his actual interest. Obviously he would feel why to waste time with such a gal, better spend that time on another gal, who might agree.
Sometimes, even gals need to hold their desire back to cuddle their bf, for the reason mentioned above.!!!
Everything goes fine and they start cherishing their relationship. Still, Noshi was careful in her actions and expression of feelings, love towards Raj, in the fear he might take her for granted. So she doesn’t go overboard with expression of feelings, emotions or possessiveness. She keeps it pretty normal, one level above casual friendship and there is always a feeling of belonginess and love, if not by wordings, but by silence. Raj acknowledges every action of Noshi and pays back in her same vein. Goody, goody stuff carries on, a fairy tale was being written…………..
Raj lives upto his word and everything goes fine in Noshi’s book as per her expectations and their relationship become more strong and bonded. Finally after 2 months, Noshi gives Raj what he deserves the best. A best romantic evening and time in her arms on the beach. After all, Raj has lived up to his wordings and proved Noshi that yes he is worth getting close to her heart and holding her in his arms!!!
Noshi nowhere lets Raj take her for granted and always made sure that Raj is aware of her priorities and he respects them. Before expecting Raj to value her views and abide by them, she made sure she gave the same thing to Raj, and always gave him the personal space he required and respected his views. She always made sure there was some spice going on in the relationship and Raj would sense that, he is not into any monotonous relationship, even though Raj never asked for it. But she was aware a newness is something which makes every guy cheer up and be more close to his partner. Also, one thing she made sure that Raj didn’t get anything easy from her, example Raj asking for a romantic evening. Noshi says why not , but before that you need to fulfill my wish also, to go on a shopping spree with me, which he readily agreed. It’s not that Noshi was selfish in making him fulfill her wish and then she would fulfill his wish, it was like she made sure Raj dint take her light and knew he is handling a tough gal. Mutual agreement on everything was the priority and the golden days passed on…..and finally resulted in the best relationship of all “ Marriage”
Well, the above is the ACTUAL way to start and go about a relationship in my perspective. It’s not a guideline or hard and fast rule to go about the relationship in the same way. The major points to be highlighted were :
1) Always try to start a relationship, to great extent, with mutual agreement and mutual appealing of hearts. There does come across situations where things start on one sided note and then later on become mutual. Always remember that in such cases, even though things happen in nick of time, but somewhere down the line lack of mutuality would come into play in future and which can worsen things, unless you ready to sustain the relationship.
2) Gals should try to make sure that they are not taken for ride or granted by the guys, because of their going beyond the limits of expressing love. There is no harm in expressing endless love to your partner, but a slightest hint of you being taken for easy or granted by your guy, try to restrict things, before he realizes his mistake.
3) Guys one point to be mentioned here is that, gals as compared to guys , are most sensitive, emotional and moreover, believe more in traditional way of expressing love or going about a relationship. So don’t let their easy going nature or showing extra love, make you take them casually and then you look for other gals, keeping her as option.
4) Study today shows that 60% of the relationships today make or break owing to the physical aspect of the relationship. Even though modern generation takes it by default that getting close in a relationship is mere expressing love, but many people take it otherwise, which need to be sensed and discussed at that moment, to prevent making a good relationship turning into more of physical one.
5) Partners should try to minimize others advice, how to bring newness in a relationship or how to make it spicy. Many a times, people get influenced by others ideas and views and try to implement that in their relationship, even against the wishes of their partner, which is highly unacceptable, coz always there should be consent of the other partner too.
Feedback on People’s comments :
Well, I would like to finally mention that, by no means I have tried to degrade gals or guys, in my posts. I would reiterate that I just wanted to bring out how most of the relationships go about today. My two stories were just examples of typical scenarios happening today and there are plenty which happen every day in and out. I never mentioned that every situation would applicable to all type of people, but yes this is how most of the relationships go on, between mostly teenagers, strangers met online, may be in office colleagues/team mates too. Many have complained that , I have stressed on the lust part of the guys, which was required because , that’s what is the end result and desire of many , to great extent. I got the feedback that, my posts would have negative impact on people about relationships, if that’s the case, then I would like to apologize to those who feel the same. I have just tried to bring out typical situations from my experiences in the past, not to curse anyone or degrade the value of relationships.
The most interesting thing highlighted by someone was that in today’s world it’s not only guys who cheat upon gals or use them, even gals are using the guys and they are more than responsible for relationship turning ugly. I readily accept that fact and would like to highlight the same , what prompts gals to go about doing that, but may be some other time.
"BYE" is a little word that causes so much PAIN. The person u hold now, might never meet you again, so never say "BYE", Always say " Meet U Again --Sayonara"
good............. i liked it........ though i have heard about this a lot of times from u but somehow i feel, this is just one story........ there are many other aspects to a breaking of relationship which are not so common......
ReplyDelete@Rhythm,
ReplyDeleteI appreciate ur views....wht I have tried to highlight here are the general aspects of modern day relationship, which everyone knws, have heard of too, but still ignore it...There can be many other trivial reasons also, but if the basis and platform is strong, they can be also handles and relationship sustained...
very gud ..i really like like it and quite knowledgeble
ReplyDelete